When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
