Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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