She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
