I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
