My friends, they love my intelligence
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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