Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize