i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
