I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
