My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
