he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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