My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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