I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
