i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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