dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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