So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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