When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize