Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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