Just fell off a train. Bad.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
