well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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