I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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