He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
