I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
