Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
