I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
