I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had to cum in my sink.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize