I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
