Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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