so that wasnt chicken after all
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
