i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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