I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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