ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
