And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
