She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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