I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need to align my fucking chakras
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
