she was so not down for the gang bang
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
