Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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