i permit you to call me
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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