ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
