Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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