I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
