In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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