$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i drank out of a bidet.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
