my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
