it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
