hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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