Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
