how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
