My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
