I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sext me about skeletons
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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