I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
