Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
