so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
