Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
