I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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