My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I got inside last night via doggy door
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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