just tell him i said nine months
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize