The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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