I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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