Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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