The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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