I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize