I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
