My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
