I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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